To Whoever Loves Me Next

I promise that I will love you with all my heart. I’m so sorry for how predictable that sounds, but truly I will. I carry an overwhelming amount of care, consideration, and love in this fragile heart of mine. There is enough love for every person I meet, but I have learned in the past year that although that is true there are many that don’t deserve my love. I’ve given a significant amount to certain people in my life already, and I don’t regret it but I can’t say I left with a whole heart every time. Once you get to know me, you’ll see the scars and brokenness, but because of my brokenness there will be cracks from which love will seep through and spill into you. If you show me the love and care that my heart desires, I will gladly bleed love for you from my bruised and broken heart.

I will love you until you stop loving me and break my heart. For now, I am cautious to open up my heart to someone, but once you show me that you could care about me the way I need I will give you my all. I truly can’t love someone halfway or casually. With my whole heart and nothing less is the only way I know how to love and I really  know how to love someone. I know how to make you feel significant and heard because I know how to really listen and remember every little thing. I know how to make you feel loved and cared about because I genuinely will love and care about you. I give you no empty promises because I will show you with my actions. I know how to make you feel like you’re the most important person in my life because you really would be. Every little thing will remind me of you, and your name will escape my lips in too many conversations. Even among the chaos and stresses of my life, you’d still be running through my mind so much that your legs would be sore the next day.

When I walk across the university pavement, I will remind myself how much I like looking at your face when I cup it in my hands. I will remember and retrace the places on my body that you have touched so kindly. My nose will remember how you smell when your body is pressed against mine because it can store the memories of thousands of smells and yours will be my favorite. I’ll miss your hand grasping mine. I’ll miss those gentle squeezes that whisper, “I’m right here. I’ll always want to be right here.” I’ll look forward to your arms wrapping around my waist, and your lips kissing my forehead. I will grow to love and hate the suspense of the moments before I get to lay my eyes on your beautiful being. I will savor the moment our lips draw into each other like magnets powered by attraction on every level. I want to get to know the landscape of your body and the curves of your face. I want to fall in love with the softness of your lips and the depths of your soul. I want to fall in love with you no matter how much it hurts because that is how beautiful and magnificent our love can be.

& I just love… love.

So thank you. Thank you for picking me, choosing me, and loving me. I promise that even if we don’t end up together you won’t regret loving me.

With all the love she can muster,

t.a.p.

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