You know traditionally how we use “he”/”him” as a default for referring to another person? I want to switch it up and use “she”/”her” pronouns because it’s 2018. Know that I am usually referring to both “he”/”him” and “she”/”her”, so I kindly ask you to adjust your mindset going into this post. If you can’t, please go read another blog post.
Start by thinking about being in a relationship with a significant other or even a friend. Also, think about having a job.
You get paid whether it’s with food and gifts or with a paycheck… which you’ll probably spend on food and not much else.
It involves a time commitment and dedication to some kind of entity.
There is a consequence to giving it up, but there are some awesome benefits too.
I would hope you work with someone you really like, but there are others that you have to interact with that you probably won’t like as much. Your closest partner will probably get on your nerves at some point … maybe more often than you’d like or expected.
You have a boss or that judgmental friend telling you what you’re doing wrong… and what you’re doing right if she’s considerate enough.
You should get the analogy I’m making here. Relationships are something you should consider like a job, just as a new perspective. You want to make sure the person you want to “work” with is someone that will understand you and help you grow either personally or professionally… and if they’re really understanding, both. There are too many moving parts of having and maintaining a healthy relationship. Don’t get me started on long-distance relationships. Oh man…
But for now let me name some pieces of advice that can help with the maintenance of any relationship.
- Constant Clear Communication. No. I don’t mean text them every second of every day, and please do not expect them to do so. I mean when you have issues with something that they do or something that happened between you two, talk about it. Some things are small enough to put aside, but if it somehow negatively impacts your well-being I beg of you… please talk about it at least with a friend (rationally may I add) or best is with her directly. A detail I would like to add that is essential to doing this well is that this requires active listening. Carefully and intently listen to your partner and ask questions for things you don’t truly understand. This constant and clear communication can only be done well with active listening.
- Do Not Assume. We can’t help it. We can’t help assume why that person did us dirty like that. Our brain is wired to fill in the things that we actually do not know. Imagine as if you were almost done with a puzzle, and instead of finding those last couple of pieces that you lost you jump to the conclusion that you have to make those last two pieces yourself with whatever materials you have nearby. Does that even make sense? Do you know who has those last couple of puzzle pieces? The person that the situation has to do with! Ask them. They will tell you what was going on in their head when they forgot to make you coffee that one morning or they completely missed your 2 year anniversary. You have some room to be frustrated, but don’t assume what the other person is thinking because most of the time you’ll be wrong. They sometimes do have best intentions, but they just missed a few details here and there.
- Learn Each Other’s Love Languages. I like gifts. Not just because I like stuff, but there is a thoughtfulness and effort that is required into giving a great gift. Receiving Gifts is one of the five love languages that Gary Chapman has identified and written about in his book (you can take the assessment here at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/). When you understand how you express and receive love, you grow a better understanding of yourself. You’re also helping others understand you better. If you also learn your partner’s love languages, you can do better to cater to their romantic needs. This actually can apply to any relationship you have whether platonic or not. People feel and receive love differently, and to be transparent from the start sets up a good foundation to a good relationship.
- A Little Bit of Effort Goes a Long Way. There have been too many incidents where I ask someone to put in a little bit of effort, and I get a response that usually goes: “But I’m too lazy”. Usually, it’s half a joke as well as a real reflection of that person’s character. It sincerely bothers me. Don’t get me wrong, I am guilty as well. Sometimes I don’t want to reach over and plug in my devices for charge before I sleep, but then I wake up for my day and I end up resenting past Tina because I’m stressing on how to charge my device as I go about my day. So I want to take a second to speak to my perfectionists. Hello. Some of you may know that we can’t help but check and recheck the small stuff. The tiny details that people would not give a second thought mean a lot to us. It means that the big picture will be a little more clear and vibrant. The machine will run more smoothly and probably without a hitch. If you pay attention to your partner’s small and basic needs, they will at least feel better that their life has been made a little easier or appreciate it a lot (especially if you cater to their specific Love Language). Your relationship will run more smoothly if you help each other in the small ways and show your appreciation more often, rather than building resentment and choosing to be ignorant to the point where you both eventually explode in an exhausting hell of an argument.
I’ve learned an immense amount about what it takes to be happy in one after only being in a couple because I believe my last long term relationship was substantial enough to help me to grow as an independent woman as well as be a loving girlfriend. I definitely don’t know everything, but so far what I’ve learned has brought me to a good place. I just want to help any guys and girls just confused out of their mind on what’s going on in their relationship. It can get confusing, frustrating, complicated, and even more. However, I hope this can help in any way at all. Remember that if you put in some real effort… I almost guarantee you will be rewarded somehow.
If you have any further questions or concerns, please comment below or message me personally through my linked Instagram account @saltinawrites. I wish you lots of love and blessings in your relationships and just life in general.